We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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