how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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