He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
