Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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