Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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