honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
