You made me cry and you don't even care
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
