No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
