Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
