Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
