May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
