awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
