where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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