He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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