My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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