at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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