Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
