I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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