if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
