Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
