He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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