It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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