I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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