just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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