I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
