I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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