so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
