we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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