Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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