id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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