My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
