Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize