did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
