U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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