I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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