Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
