She's JV to your varsity
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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