This is not my ceiling
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
