I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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