I accidentally had phone sex last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
