Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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