i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
