Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
