We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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