I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
