can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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