My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
