i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
