can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
false alarm, still single
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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