Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
