it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
