yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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