I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
