We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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