you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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