we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
