Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
