dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't deserve a penis
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
