I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
