dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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