hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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